If you peruse this blog site for any amount of time, you will probably find a number of articles pertaining to the subject of moving on. And that’s probably because, personally, I have had a lot of stuff over the course of my life that I have had to try and move on from.
Even now, I’m still trying to move on from various things.
But I know I’m not the only one.
In fact, if I had to guess, you’re probably reading this article right now because you’re thinking to yourself, “I’ve got this thing going on in my life, and I am struggling to move past it, and I just don’t know what to do.”
Let me first say to you that it is perfectly OK to admit you’re struggling with something. Admitting you’re struggling is literally the first step toward healing. However, it is the moment that you deny that you are struggling with something that the real problems set in.
Pretty sure Dr. Phil said this (maybe not though), but denial helps exactly ZERO people 100% of the time. That’s a fact!
MISERY LOVES COMPANY
The reality is, moving on from something, especially something that has wounded you deeply, takes a LOT of work. Unfortunately, most folks would rather enjoy the company of their sorrow than to put in the hard work to move through the pain and come out on the other side of the mess.
Not only are they content with wrapping themselves up at night to snuggle into their misery, but they want to bring others into their misery as well. Ya know? Have a big misery snuggle fest together!
Ever heard the phrase, “Misery loves company”?
If not, let me give you a quick history lesson: this is a proverb that dates back hundreds of years. Similar phrases were written by Sophocles, however the earliest recorded English use was around 1349.
The basic idea is that miserable people find comfort in making others miserable.
We’re all guilty of it at one time or another…and if you deny that, well…go back up a few paragraphs and have a heart to heart with Dr. Phil.
Deep down you know exactly what I’m talking about. Often we find that we feel comforted by the thought that other people are miserable too. We go out of our way to bring others into our misery so we don’t feel alone in our misery.
It’s not a healthy practice, but it is widely practiced by everyone at one time or another.
A TIME FOR EVERYTHING – EVEN BEING MISERABLE
The Bible tells us that there is a time for everything, perhaps even being miserable:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 MSG – 1 “There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: 2 a right time for birth and another for death, a right time to plant and another to reap, 3 a right time to kill and another to heal, a right time to destroy and another to construct, 4 a right time to cry and another to laugh, a right time to lament and another to cheer, 5 a right time to make love and another to abstain, a right time to embrace and another to part, 6 a right time to search and another to count your losses, a right time to hold on and another to let go, 7 a right time to rip out and another to mend, a right time to shut up and another to speak up, 8 a right time to love and another to hate, a right time to wage war and another to make peace.”
According to the writer of Ecclesiastes, there is a time to cry, lament, search, and hold on to something. But there is also a time to laugh, cheer, count your losses, and let go of something.
We’re really good at the first part…not so good at the second part.
One thing to realize before we move further into this discussion is that the time for folks to move on will be different from one person to the next, but there still needs a moment to move on.
We want people to move on from something on our time table. Rarely do we recognize that our time table of healing and moving on may look different from someone else.
But at the same time of recognizing this, we also have to recognize that there are some people who are refusing to move on. And this is unhealthy. As a result of refusing to move forward, they are becoming bitter, angry, and difficult to be around.
There is a sort of finesse to the whole moving forward thing…an art of moving on if you will. It isn’t easy and it will require a serious mindset change. But if we can start moving our mindset in the right direction, then we can start moving our entire being toward finally getting past the misery that’s been haunting us for however many days, months, or years it’s been there.
It’s time to start getting uncomfortable in our misery and find a way to move forward.
THE ART OF MOVING ON
There are a few things that must take place inside of an individual in order for them to effectively perfect the art of moving on. At some point the individual must…
- Stop enjoying the company of misery and start seeking release from it.
- Stop letting current events trigger and dredge up emotions and reactions from past events.
- Stop talking of past events as though they are still happening.
- Stop looking for the negative in everything and start finding the positive in everything.
- Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and start finding a new pair of shoes.
- Stop dragging others into your misery and start asking others to help you out of it.
- Stop dwelling on what was and start living with what is and dreaming about what could be.
I’m sure there are more than 7 things that a person needs to do in order to effectively master the art of moving on. But this is a good starting place.
We are all going to experience miserable moments in life. It’s just the facts of life. But our miserable moments don’t have to become the definition of our life. Experience that moment. As I’ve pointed out, even the Bible recognizes that these moments are going to come.
But at some point you MUST pick yourself up and realize that this moment is but a moment and will pass and that there are moments that are coming and that you are currently in that are not miserable that need your undivided and non-miserable attention.
Let the healing begin!