Have you ever been chugging along in life, thinking, “Man, nothing could stop me now!” and almost at that very moment you have the rug pulled out from under neath you and your world begins to crumble?
Yeah, that happened to me back on October 31st, 2017.
I had been with my company for over 8 years, had developed a great rapport with both clients and co-workers alike, and I was already in discussions with my manager about the great opportunities that 2018 held for me.
And suddenly…I was let go.
Now, at this time I’ve got 4 kids, 3 animals, a wife, 2 car payments, and a house we just purchased in March of 2017. This job, while not my entire income, was by far the largest part of the income I had, plus it was the job my family used to get health insurance, etc.
What an interesting day to be fired on too.
October 31st!
The day of the dead.
All Hallows Eve.
On that day I DEFINITELY felt like I had been killed. I remember leaving the parking lot of my now former job literally crying so hard that I thought I would drive off the road. I drove to my pastors house, sat on his couch, cried some more, and got some encouragement and prayer. Then I went home to my wife and kids and laid and cried in my bed the rest of the day.
The next day was Wednesday…praise rehearsal day.
You see…I’m the worship leader at my church…and we had to prepare for Sunday. Did I feel like worshiping that day? Absolutely not! But I went to the church like 4 hours early to be alone for a while, prepare for rehearsal, and ultimately to pray some.
After a couple of hours I sat down behind the piano to tinker. Which is something I often do when I’m upset…I turn to music.
But this time was different. As I played around on the keys and plunked out some chords, I felt the following words well up inside of me and a melody began to come out of my mouth:
In the dark when hope seems lost
I look to You and see the cross
The fear subsides and hope returns
I look to You I look to You
When my heart can take no more
When my faith is insecure
I lift my eyes up to Your hill
You are my refuge still
I am safe in You no matter where I am
I will walk in truth declaring who I am
I am Yours! I am Yours! I am Yours! I am Yours!
I cried and sang and worshiped until I felt a sense of joy and peace rush over me so suddenly that the events of the day before seemed to all but be a distant memory.
You see, what the enemy meant for my destruction became beauty from ashes.
I later decided to do this song for my church as a corporate worship song. I gave my testimony, and I’ve never seen so many people feel ministered to by a song I had written (as I’ve done many times before). But something was different with this one.
A lady in my church came up to me and connected me to her niece who was a producer in Nashville. In December I went to Nashville with my oldest daughter and we recorded this song.
The night before recording I added these words:
When my mind is filled with doubt
And I feel there’s no way out
I look to You and hope returns
I look to You I look to You
The next day we recorded, and my daughter even got a chance to sing on the song with me as well (on the bridge, “I am safe in You…”).
And now, 3 months later, I’m still unemployed, but I couldn’t be happier as I have watched my God take care of me and my family in miraculous ways.
No bills have been missed.
No meals have been missed.
And the crazy thing…my wife and I were able to tithe to the church a far greater amount than any previous month in our entire marriage (13 years!).
My hope is this…this song ministered to me in my darkest hour…and I just want it to minister to others in their darkest hour. I want to invite you to take a listen, and perhaps pass it on to someone you know who may need to hear these words.
That was testimony…now….here’s my song: