There is no feeling quite like getting the call that a loved one has died.
It’s surreal.
It’s heart breaking.
It’s EXTREMELY difficult to describe unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
Interestingly, divorce has a similar impact. And it doesn’t matter how old you are….when you get the news that your parents are either getting divorced or have finalized their divorce….it’s almost like getting that call that a loved one has died.
It’s surreal.
It’s heart breaking.
It’s EXTREMELY difficult to describe unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
But here I am…age 33, married with three beautiful children and a fourth child awaiting to make his debut in April of 2016, and my parents are officially divorced.
Today, when the judge slammed down his gavel for the last time…it marked the death of my parents marriage and a new reality both of my parents are going to have to face and live with until their dying day.
I won’t go into the details of why this divorce came about but we’ll just say that the Lifetime Channel probably couldn’t craft a story quite as complex as this one. Nor could they do it justice to capture the emotion, and devastating impact it has brought upon my family as a whole. And I will be perfectly blunt…this is not directed at both of my parents as both parents were not equally responsible for this situation. They both shared in the journey to get here…but only one refused to seek restoration and redemption.
I’ve waited a while to write this post….though it’s been probably several years in the making. But I felt I needed to at least get this out on paper.
But let me get straight to the point here…divorce is an act of murder.
In the Bible, the act of marriage is literally seen as two persons becoming one flesh:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. | Mark 10:7-8 ESV
So when a divorce occurs, it is literally destroying the one flesh that has been brought together in the sight of God and witnesses…and it’s being done intentionally.
It is an act of murder.
And it doesn’t just kill your marriage though.
It kills your character. You are effectively made into a liar. You demonstrate, through divorce, that your word doesn’t actually mean anything. You took vows on your wedding day before God and witnesses and can apparently walk away from them without issue. So your character is defiled…it is effectively killed.
It kills your family. No, I’m sorry….You don’t just get to sit there and say that this is between the two of you. It is not. I’m 33 years old, and I have kids….your grandchildren…and I have to explain to them why you are a liar and cannot keep your word…and why you are walking away from nearly 40 years of marriage. And I’m not the only one in this family. It extends to your other adult children and their families….to nephews, nieces, in-laws, and family friends. They are all looking on, and they are all impacted at varying levels.
It kills your relationships. Things will never be as they were before. We will never likely be as close as we once were. You will not be as involved with my children as you once were, especially if you continue on the path that you have chosen. The same goes for all the other relationships you once had.
It kills special events (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.). Now we are in an awkward position. Do we invite you to birthday parties? Where will we spend the holidays? Do we want you at other special events in our lives? You’ve taken what should be joyous moments in our families history and turned it into some of the most awkward and painful moments of our families history.
It kills your testimony. I was raised in a Christian home as a pastors kid. Do not think for one moment that this doesn’t call into question the years of ministry and counsel that has been provided. Maybe not for all, or even most, but some will. And understandably so.
Divorce, next to abortion, is the second most common act of murder in this nation. And both are widely accepted and acted upon as easily as how we wake up and decide what clothes to wear.
I had hoped to live out my days proud to say that I came from a whole home. That we were untouched by the defilement of divorce. But I can’t say that now. My home is now broken. And we have a long road ahead of us.
But there have been positives in this.
My mother has grown closer to God in a way that she has never before experienced in her lifetime. She has come into her own and found her identity in Christ.
It has strengthened my resolve to honor my word to my wife and to God, and to strive to be an example to my children as to what a whole and healthy home looks like.
It has given me a new footing in ministry for people from broken homes as I can now relate at a new level. I can speak to the heartache. I can speak to the difficult decisions that come after divorce. I can speak to people at a deeper level of understanding than I would have otherwise had before.
And in spite of it all…I don’t blame God one bit. This wasn’t His doing. He is not to blame. He showed us what marriage was to look like. He was there on the day those vows were given. And He was there on the day those vows were broken.
And He is a God of redemption and restoration. And this story isn’t over. Like I said…we have a long road ahead of us….but I’m believing that God is a God who keeps His word when he says:
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. | Romans 8:28 NLT